i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
