so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
They took my balls.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
