apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
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I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
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I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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