so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
