Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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