I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
