And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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