Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
