____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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