Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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