Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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