I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
