Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
