remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
