Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
