I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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