I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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