you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
