Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
