but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
