Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
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No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
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I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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