Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
