Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
where are you?
Hypothermia
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
