You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
