so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
