so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
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the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
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I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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