Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
