You made me cry and you don't even care
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
