first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you will always have a special place in my vag
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
