A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
