I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
