i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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