I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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