Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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