Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
