I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My pussy is not your playground.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
