Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
