when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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