carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
