im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My pussy is not your playground.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
