you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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