can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
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Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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