You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
