Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
