I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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