Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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