Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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