If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
