i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
