So drunk its hurt
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
