My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Randomize