is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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