Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
