Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My dick has a subreddit
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
