I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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