I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
