You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
