Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
