i jhust puked up my retainher.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
