dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
