how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
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All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
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I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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