you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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