im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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