Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
