you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
