apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
