I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
