I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
