Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
