I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
