I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
