I accidentally burped into my bong.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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