This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
