That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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