You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
