We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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