Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
