you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
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